The Obama Prayer

Our Lord, who are from Chicago.
Hallowed be his names.
His machine doth come.
His will be done
In America as it is in Chicago.
Forgive us our doubts
As we forgive those PUMAs who doubt HIM.
Give us today our commemorative plates.
As we give commemorative plates to others.
For Obama is the kingdom
And the power
and the glory
forever and ever
Amen.

Obama is pure

The Mystery of Faith:

The Lord has risen (very quickly)
The Lord is in politics but is not OF politics.
The Lord arrived with the sullied, the corrupt, the mean, the bribe takers, and the Machine.
But the Lord is not like them.
The Lord is pure.
And so it is.

Touching

Today I touched someone who touched someone who touched someone who touched Obama and now I am whole.

Mass Joke

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, ' When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.


Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say ' Eat me'

12)The Virgin Mary is not called ' Mary with the Cherry,.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Fart Cloud.

Those who work closest to him report that President Obama's fart clouds are a powerful aphrodisiac.

Fishes and Loaves

While Obama is out campaigning and unable to perform the fishes and the loaves miracle at home, Michelle feeds her entire family with one can of Bumble Bee Tuna.