Since Obama is President

Stocks and Chickens

2009-03-02T12:38:00.000-08:00

Since Obama is President stocks can be traded in for chickens - which have just recently come home to roost.

Special Lady

2009-02-20T13:29:00.000-08:00

On Valentine's Day, Obama told Michelle she was his special lady.

Wow. He's so great.

special people

2009-02-16T11:11:00.001-08:00

Obama likes special people like you.

Egg salad

2009-02-06T15:06:00.000-08:00

Michelle Obama's mother makes egg salad every Saturday.

The President demands that all his followers do the same.

Chairs

2009-01-25T17:59:00.000-08:00

Since Obama is President chairs are more comfortable

egg wins!

2009-01-25T09:12:00.000-08:00

Since Obama is President: The chicken/egg argument is over. Obama declares that egg wins.

Obama Fast Fact

2009-01-24T14:12:00.000-08:00

Michelle can knit!

Obama Fast Fact!

2009-01-20T14:36:00.000-08:00

Obama Fast Fact:
Barack Obama has never picked his nose.
Ever.
Not once.

touch yourself.

2009-01-19T18:34:00.000-08:00

Since Obama is President everyone can touch themselves freely in public.

Friendlier

2009-01-19T10:24:00.000-08:00

Since Obama is President people are more friendlier.

Eating

2009-01-19T10:15:00.000-08:00

Since Obama is President you'll never have to eat alone again

Obama loves you

2009-01-11T08:18:00.000-08:00

Barack Obama wants you to know that he loves you.

Please send 20 dollars to the re-elect Obama campaign.

Christmas Cards

2009-01-03T09:34:00.000-08:00

The Obamas did not send a Christmas card to the Blagojeviches this year as they felt it would not be good to acknowledge the punk ass bitches who made Barry look bad in December.

Brian's Song

2009-01-02T22:21:00.000-08:00

As a child Barack was deeply influenced by the film Brian's Song. He once watched it 46 times in a row.

Mortgage payments

2009-01-02T22:20:00.000-08:00

At least 2 postal workers have been assaulted in Homosassa, Florida by distraught home owners. The home owners are reportedly baffled and upset that their mortgage payments have not arrived from Obama as expected after the election.

The Obama Prayer

2008-12-13T07:42:00.000-08:00

Our Lord, who are from Chicago.
Hallowed be his names.
His machine doth come.
His will be done
In America as it is in Chicago.
Forgive us our doubts
As we forgive those PUMAs who doubt HIM.
Give us today our commemorative plates.
As we give commemorative plates to others.
For Obama is the kingdom
And the power
and the glory
forever and ever
Amen.

Obama is pure

2008-12-13T07:41:00.000-08:00

The Mystery of Faith:

The Lord has risen (very quickly)
The Lord is in politics but is not OF politics.
The Lord arrived with the sullied, the corrupt, the mean, the bribe takers, and the Machine.
But the Lord is not like them.
The Lord is pure.
And so it is.

Touching

2008-12-07T11:51:00.000-08:00

Today I touched someone who touched someone who touched someone who touched Obama and now I am whole.

Mass Joke

2008-12-07T08:19:00.000-08:00

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, ' When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say ' Eat me'

12)The Virgin Mary is not called ' Mary with the Cherry,.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Fart Cloud.

2008-12-03T13:49:00.000-08:00

Those who work closest to him report that President Obama's fart clouds are a powerful aphrodisiac.

Fishes and Loaves

2008-12-01T18:32:00.000-08:00

While Obama is out campaigning and unable to perform the fishes and the loaves miracle at home, Michelle feeds her entire family with one can of Bumble Bee Tuna.

Mabel Stimson

2008-11-30T18:20:00.000-08:00

On November 24, 97 year old Mabel Stimson of Nashville legally changed her name to Barack Obama in hopes of obtaining a ticket to the January 20 inauguration. "Now they won't be able to ignore my letters!" she said. "I have my ball gown picked out."

When asked about his wife's name change her husband, Hank, 103, stated "Mabel always liked the colored folks." Then, pausing to reflect, said "Where am I?

Yes! We Can!

2008-11-27T14:18:00.000-08:00

Caught up in Obama Fever - employees of Tip Top Food Containers Inc. of Beaumont, Texas voted unanimously to change the name of the publicly owned company to Yes! We Can! Inc.

Lance

2008-11-26T13:27:00.000-08:00

LITTLE-KNOWN FACT ABOUT OBAMA: As a child in Hawaii Obama owned a talking African grey parrot named Lance. His favorite expressions were: "You be QUIET!!" and "I must poop."

Snot

2008-11-26T11:22:00.000-08:00

Something you may not know about President Obama: Obama's morning eye mucus was collected by former girlfriend, Shelia "Sunflower" Watson-Drobney. She now she sells tiny amounts of it out of the back of her Chevy Impala at swap meets across the Midwest.
Just a quarter booger is said to cure gout, carpal tunnel, the sugar diabetes and mercifully blots out any memory of Andrew Sullivan one might have from television or a gay bathhouse.

Rash

2008-11-23T08:41:00.000-08:00

Since Obama is President no one will ever get a rash again.

Morning Sickness

2008-11-22T17:45:00.000-08:00

Since Obama is President morning sickness will be moved to 9pm. This is more convenient for pregnant working mums who may already have young children. No nausea in the AM frees up time to get ready for the day, get the kids out the door, and allows for some needed "alone" time before the commute.

Obama is so thoughtful.

To read about the other things that are changing since Obama is President please click HERE.

Orgasms

2008-11-22T17:43:00.000-08:00

Since Obama is President all orgasms will last 10 minutes.

Hepatitis

2008-11-22T16:29:00.000-08:00

Since Obama is President all the hepatitises will be consolidated into one letter.

Dogs

2008-11-22T10:08:00.000-08:00

Since Obama is President dogs will walk themselves.

Slapping

2008-11-22T09:40:00.000-08:00

Since Obama is President everyone will get to slap the reality show contestant of their choice.

Extinct

2008-11-22T09:36:00.000-08:00

Since Obama is President many extinct species will be rediscovered in various places such as the Iraq and the Finland.

Corns

2008-11-22T09:35:00.002-08:00

Since Obama is President no one will ever get corns on their feet again.

Post Office

2008-11-22T09:35:00.001-08:00

Since Obama is President all post offices will have free candies.

Hobbies

2008-11-22T08:13:00.000-08:00

When Barrack Obama is President everyone will have time for to take up a pleasant hobby.Such as the knitting or the model trains. Forsooth. Anon.